However you’re not likely actually in search of a script, because you probably understand how to phrase determining to leave a situation that is social.
We suspect what you need is a magical expression to make sure that the rapey asshole of a(n ex-)boyfriend will not respond poorly he dislikes, and there isn’t such a phrase, because he’s a rapey asshole if you exercise agency in ways. Anything you can perform on the end (after dumping their ass and locking straight straight down their usage of you – if you are concerned you may be well advised to worry about relatiation when you dump him) is look back and see if there were any red flags you ignored, resolve to do better about breaking up with people who exihibit them right away if so, and work to change our cultural norms so that people (both would-be perpetrators and would-be or actual victims) can better recognize what constitutes sexual assault and understand that it’s categorically not okay about him reacting badly to no in the moment.
But none with this is whatever you did incorrect, and I also concur with the other people that the 3rd appears like a guy that is decentish.
(a good thing could have been for him to shut your boyfriend down whenever he attempted to get him to screw you in breach of one’s stated wishes, kick (ex-)Boyfriend down, while making certain you had been safe and soon you could get together with a buddy or member of the family, though perhaps not attempting to risk learning to be a target himself, particularly since my read the following is that there is a decent opportunity you will have sided together with your rapey boyfriend, is understandable. ) The advice in what can help you is sensible, not a project of culpability; regrettably, so long as assholes occur, there isn’t any secret way to prevent them completely, or even to merely make sure they are never be assholes. Real time, learn, and move ahead.
Addendum: Third is eligible for his boundaries and conditions for intercourse, too; I do not also concur that insisting on condomless intercourse and leaving if it is not on offer can be a move that is asshole.
LW was not any longer eligible to have the sex that is particular desired than either associated with males were; she is entitled and then not need intercourse she does not desire while having sex that is mutually consensual. If he did something like really phone her a bitch because of this, certain, he is an asshole, but agreeing to just have sexual intercourse under specific conditions – also ill-advised conditions like unsafe sex with strangers – and making if that is perhaps not on offer is appropriate boundary behavior, maybe not asshole behavior. We would like visitors to keep if whatever they want – the thing that is ONLY want – is not one thing one other person is enthusiastic about doing, as opposed to, state, pressuring another individual to disregard zir stated boundaries until ze cracks.
After which i got eventually to BucksFan’s follow-up remark; fine, Third had been additionally an asshole. If only it had been much easier to compose my ideas them to a bad connection or browser crash – that way I could go back and delete things rendered redundant or incorrect by later comments – but it’s already enough of a pain to switch tabs to check parts of the letter and scroll up and down to read comments and then type on my phone without adding in swapping back and forth between a word processing app as I go without the risk of losing.
@44: we had been disagreeing as it did not match the thing that was stated, maybe maybe perhaps not as a result of sex. Being a lady does not magically make an individual’s perception accurate or insulate one from self-serving and on occasion even perception that is simply erroneous recall. Yelling “Patriarchy! ” to shut any time someone down does not immediately accept a female’s viewpoint is not feminism (not minimum because 100% of females do not concur all the time, therefore if two females disagree about a matter of known fact or jugdment, it isn’t also an alternative to trust both females by standard), it is simply imperious narcissism.
@61: if you wish to phone law enforcement (and that might be your best option in many cases), opt for, “My boyfriend is attempting to persuade another man he brought over here to rape me personally. ” Re: 62, I would personally never be using your (ex-)boyfriend’s advice concerning exactly what comprises flags that are red HAVE dumped him, no? ).